where has the spontaneity gone?

During tutorial, Peggy was saying briefly on motivation theory..and then she injected a lil bit of small talk. She side-tracked a little and said, "By the way, maturity does not come with age. A person could be young but matured and a person could be really old but still childish." I am aware of that, just that the fact that the words came out from another person's mouth make it more...umm...substantial. And i wasn't really pondering over it or anything..but that night, all of a sudden, i just got a little melancholic and had a sudden urge to look through my class photos in sec school. I realized that i miss my teachers in bhss...i miss the friends...and i think i sort of miss a part of me that existed then, that doesn't seem to surface now.

If u don't get the drift, it's okay. Even i'm trying to figure this out.

Like it's not that i totally lost all sense of craziness or spontaneity or adventure or whatever in me. It is just that it's lesser now...much lesser than i would like to admit...actually. ha!

Then, i was less conscious. I was more carefree, had no worry in the world. I led my life without a giving a damn to time. I acted more on instinct and emotions (which has gotten me into not very...desirable and sometimes embarrassing situations *haha*) Then, i did what i FEEL is right. But now, i do what i THINK is right.

In fact, i think that i think too much now. See what i mean?!
Ha!

Anyway, I don't really know what caused the change in me. Or whether or not, the change is good or bad. I guess it has its pros and cons...perhaps it is because of age (i decided to grow up..) or perhaps it's cause of the experiences in between, both good and bad that caused the change...i don't know actually...or maybe it's just time. Over time, i changed.

Perhaps.



But a mixture of both would be good...both of spontaneity and of being grounded...well i don't think that i totally lost it, my spontaneity that is...it'll emerge and it does from time to time now...just not as frequent as in sec sch.

I guess i could never lose it...cause it will always be a part of me.
A part of who i am.